The Not-So-Hidden Ways Prostitution Ads Are Listed

I have always taken a particular liking to the rear section of Atlanta’s edition of the Creative Loafing. They have this prostitution ads vibe that I really love. This is because this specific section is fraught with colorful ads. It’s amusing to see how people attempt to justify and shield their questionable activities. Most often, these pages have been designated for the more adult-oriented services. I’m no lawyer.

But the last time I checked, prostitution in America (outside of Nevada, and its licensed brothels) was illegal. In perusing these ads I became thoroughly entertained by the thinly veiled language. I started dissecting some of these advertisements, and here are some fascinating things that I came up with.

“Private and Relaxed Setting”

This little phrase I found in an advertisement for various physical services. According to the ad, on any day of the week one can have a full body massage, a waxing, a facial, or a “body treatment.” There is no company title listed, and no business name. However, all these services you can enjoy in a “private and relaxed setting.” I don’t know about you. But I have never had a full body massage in a public and/or unrelaxed setting. But since the face of an exotic-looking female model accompanies the ad, I would assume that men would more than likely seek these benefits.

“Expect To Be Impressed”

Now here was a really captivating ad. I wish I knew what service was actually being marketed. For the only thing shown is the face of a thirty-something smiling blonde. Underneath the full color photo is a phone number, with the hours “8am – 8pm” listed. The only words in the ad are: “EXPECT TO BE IMPRESSED!”

Are we, as a naïve public supposed to assume that by calling this number between the hours of 8am and 8pm. That this lovely blonde will come over and smile at us for a nominal fee?

Hmm… I don’t think so.

“Prostate Massage” type of prostitution ads

I don’t even think I can call this one an ad. Featured on the extreme right of the page (practically falling off) are big, bold red letters reading “PROSTATE MASSAGE.” Underneath the ad is a web site for prostate treatment tips; beneath that a local phone number is listed.

This is perhaps the most overtly covert way of soliciting something “unsavory.” If I were a man who was in need of medical attention in my prostate area, I doubt very seriously that I would trek to the rear of the Creative Loafing for intricate medical care.

“Serving All Upscale Hotels” as Prostitution ADS

I was almost fooled by this little advertisement. For a moment, I would have thought that the sea salt scrubs, detoxifying treatments, and ion baths were all legitimately being offered. These services and more are listed underneath the attractive, but relatively trustworthy face of a blonde woman.

There is nothing sleazy about the ad whatsoever. That is until your eyes rest on the small print above the phone number which reads: “Serving All Upscale Hotels.” Now this little phrase made me think. Does it mean that if I’m staying at the Ramada, that I can’t get a sea salt scrub? Are Motel Six guests ineligible for an ion bath? Then it dawned on me that the real clientele they’re targeting are “stressed” executive males? Away on expensive business trips. Aha!

“Stress Reduction, Body Shampoo, Tension Release”

I don’t think you can veil any more thinly, the services that are truly being offered at the “spa” being advertised here. At any time, 24 hours a day, and 7 days a week. Beautiful, young Asian model (as is mentioned) will be available to provide the aforementioned duties. But I have always been a little confused about the “body shampoo”; isn’t that just a shower? And if so, why would someone pay. Up to $40 for something that they do for free everyday? The stress reduction and tension release descriptions are so vague that it’s quite obvious that no real therapeutic massages are actually going on at this spa.

“No Full Service” – Prostitution ADS

Every once in a while, I’ll feel sorry for the struggling massage therapists. They have no other option than to advertise their services in the rear section of the Creative Loafing. I mention this one in particular simply because of all the massage services on the page, this one seemed most legitimate. Using more of the space to offer acupuncture, pregnancy massage, and reflexology. The ad features a fully dressed Asian woman who looks as if she actually has some kind of medical degree. Towards the bottom of the page are the words “No Full Service.” Since pregnancy massage is a service geared towards women, I would imagine that this little clinic felt the need to distinguish themselves from the other random “manual services” sprinkled throughout the page.

Proof that a little “massage” can get you into big trouble with prostitution ads

Anyone needing further proof that these massage parlors and spas sprinkled throughout these pages were not on the up-and-up. Need only check the vice arrest section on various websites.

Here you will see an assortment of photos. Fascinating individuals, including several Asian women who have been arrested for “Massage Without Permit.” And by the way, the Asian ladies in these photographs look absolutely nothing like the glossy-lipped, exotic beauties featured in the advertisements.